Boobs for Bauer

As the two-hour special prior to this season of 24 made totally clear, Day 7 is all about Bauer’s “Redemption.”  How, exactly, is Bauer to be redeemed, you ask?  By standing trial and serving jail time for violating the Geneva Convention on a daily basis?  By admitting his mistakes and dedicating his life to the peaceful resolution of international conflict?  By embarking on the twelve steps to recovery from violence addiction, confronting his countless victims or their families, and asking for their forgiveness?  Or maybe he’ll redeem himself by becoming even more intransigent and recruiting even more of the simple-minded to his one-dimensional vision of the world?

This season’s dupe is very obviously Renee Walker.  Was anyone fooled by her presence?  Is it not patently obvious that Renee’s femininity (which has been on prominent display ever since she changed into that translucent, V-neck sweater) is meant as an apology for or vindication of Bauer’s politics?  Just because a womanly woman serves as Bauer’s “hard won” ally-slash-mouthpiece, is his extremist patriotism now suddenly something other than the fulfillment of a conservative’s wet dream?  (Chloe O’Brian’s unconditional trust in Bauer was a lot harder won, but her femininity is, shall we say, less than convincing.)

Am I the only who thinks she bears a striking resemblance to Skeletor?
That's a standard issue FBI push-up bra, obvs.

The season’s other strategy for redemption is of course Bauer’s martyrdom: he has now been tragically infected by an experimental bio-weapon in the line of duty.  The problem with this particular plot twist, however, lies in the fact that we’ve known since January that we can expect yet another season of 24 next year.  So unless the show’s producers have the guts to write Day 8 as the immediate, “real-time” continuation of Day 7 (during which we might finally see Bauer get in a well-deserved cat nap or two), we already know that Bauer’s gonna be just fine at the end of this season.  No dice, then, Bauer: TubaTV, at least, will not be granting your redemption any time soon.

For the lulz, here’s some more priceless dialog from this season:

Jack: I think I found us a new way in.  Look: these are Senator Mayer’s files.  This is Douglas Knowles.  He’s the chairman of Starkwood.  He was actually helping the senator with the investigation.  He’s the one who brokered the deal to open the company’s books.

Renee: What, another insider?  Didn’t we just get burned?

Two minutes later, we cover the exact same ground when Jack relays the budding plan to Larry and Tony.

Jack: Tony, you’re gonna need to find a way to stay behind.  We’re gonna get your vectors over to a man we contacted inside Starkwood.  His name is Douglas Knowles, he believes he knows where the weapons are.

Larry: Isn’t that how we got into this mess?  Almeida and some supposedly friendly contact?

Renee: Knowles is chairman of the Starkwood board, but he was cooperating with Senator Mayer’s investigation of the company.  Larry, he’s all that we’ve got.

[24‘s writers just LOVE the Only Option scenario, by the way.  In fact, I’d go so far as to suggest that the Only Option structure is what organizes the development of all seven seasons of the show.  There should be a 24 drinking game that requires a shot for every time the writers resort to the Only Option logic, every time someone (usually Jack) says something along the lines of “We don’t have a choice” or its kindred invocation, “You’re just gonna have to trust me.”]

– J.C. Freñán

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6 thoughts on “Boobs for Bauer”

  1. I once would have picked Anne Coulter over Jack Bauer as the spitting image of a conservative’s wet dream, but then, her statements against McCain last year, and her general in(s)anity, seemed to turn off the base who so desperately needed the maternal sensibilities of the pig/pitbull with lipstick. But that seems to be the point, innit? Nationalism requires some semblance of balance – 24 conveniently locates it in the sexy pairing of red and blonde, woman and man, liberal and conservative – to legitimate itself. Everything else is peripheral, or if not peripheral, a threat.

    I say that not having seen any 24. I managed to get out of ever watching that show, but had roommates who swore by it. Even if they found Bauer sort of fucked up.

    Interestingly, 24 has been the source of some interesting political debate lately. Just scroll down to the comments that follow this article (http://www.tvsquad.com/2009/02/25/is-jack-bauer-still-relevant/) for an example of just how riled up the ‘publicans can get at any swipe at Jackie-boy.

  2. Hm, would these be the same outfits that Lil Wayne “Mrs. Officer” video? From the looks of it, the FBI is so much more conservative when compared to the county and city police.

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